There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
