arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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