even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
