if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
