Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
