last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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