She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
