it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
