I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
