Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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