you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
