People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
