he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
