btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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