I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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