Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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