You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
