is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
