How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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