And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
