I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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