I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
