i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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