Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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