the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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