He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
