can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There r osticjed everywhere
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
