you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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