Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
