sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
