The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
