Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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