My hand turned me down
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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