My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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