: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
