no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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