Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
