Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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