I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
