Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
