I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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