she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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