And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Operation Purity has been aborted
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
