I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
