your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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