I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need to calm my uterus...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize