she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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