Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
