I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize