I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
