then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
