I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
