You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
