So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
