as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
