What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
