Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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