I'm going to jail i love you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
