drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
