standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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