its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
