dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
