I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Randomize
