A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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