we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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