the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
